How To Delete Your FaceBook Account

• STEP 1: Back up your contacts from Facebook and notify your friends.
  You are about to begin the wonders of a Facebook-free existence.  This means that you won‘t have access to your FB contacts anymore, so you should transfer them to your local address book, e-mail program, or other method of staying in touch.  Most people‘s e-mail addresses can be found under the “Info” tab of their profile.  If they have this hidden from you, you‘re probably not actual friends anyway so don't worry about it.
  You may want to send your contacts an e-mail letting them know you will no longer be on Facebook.  Here is a sample:
  
  Howdy Y‘all,
  
  I‘ve decided that Facebook and I are through.  We gave it a good run and have decided to still be friends.  But not really, since I‘ve decided to leave Facebook forever.
  
  If you need to get in touch with me, please use good old-fashioned e-mail.  I can be reached at thehalesgroup@gmail.com
  
  I also have a phone! If you want to hear my melodious voice, give me a call at 818-555-0944.  It would be nice to actually talk to some of my friends rather than just getting invites to play Farmville.
  
  And I even have an address.  If you want to drop by, I live at 64 Shoeaowe Ave.  Stop by, or send me a letter via Pony Express.  If you come over I may even show you my vacation photos, since they will no longer be on Facebook.  I may even serve tea and biscuits/beer and chips, whichever is deemed more appropriate by local custom.
  
  Non-Facebookally yours,
  
  Joey Jones
• STEP 2: Uninstall any Facebook apps that use your account.
  In order for your account to be permanently deleted, you must not log into it after completing the account deletion process.  That includes not logging in via iPhone, Blackberry, or Motorola DynaTAC.  These may unintentionally cause you to remain logged in even after you attempt to delete your account, which Facebook interprets as you not really wanting to leave them.  While you could just log out of these apps, the safest measure would be to get rid of them entirely. And besides, what use in your new life would these apps be?
  
• STEP 3: Tell Facebook you want to delete your account.
  OK, now that you‘ve taken care of business and put the word out, it‘s time to quit.
  
  Go to this top-secret URL:
  
  http://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=delete_account
  This is where Facebook will try to con you into staying.  Don‘t buy their dirty lies.  Some of your friends may also have told you not to leave.  They are not your real friends, especially that guy you only worked with for two months and always writes updates about mountain biking.
  
  Click on “Submit” to begin the wild ride.
  
• STEP 4: Confirm your decision.
  “You are about to permanently delete your account.  Are you sure?”
  This scary red text is designed to make people‘s moms turn back.  You are not your mom.  Continue with a high head and clear conscience.  Freedom is only a few keystrokes away -- type in your password, answer the captcha and click “Okay”.
  
• STEP 5: Again, confirm your decision.
  Finally, FB will ask if you want to permanently delete your account.
  You’re almost free.  All you need to do is click “Okay” and the delete-o-matic at Facebook will zap your account.  But wait! You’re not out of the Facebook woods yet....
  
• STEP 6: Don't log into Facebook.
  You've just been kicked back out to the login screen.  DON’T LOG IN!  If you log in any time in the next two weeks, Facebook will automatically reactivate your account in a super-sneaky move showcasing why they’re the worst in the business.
  Let’s repeat that to make sure it’s clear.
  
  
  If you log in at your friend’s house... your account will be reactivated.
  
  If you log in at the public library... your account will be reactivated.
  
  If you log in while loitering at The Apple Store... your account will be reactivated.
  
  If you log in at work then a) get back to work and b) your account will be reactivated!
  
  
• STEP 7: Ignore the e-mail Facebook sends.
  You will receive an e-mail saying your account is scheduled for deletion.  In order to keep things going according to schedule (you guessed it) don’t log in or your account will be reactivated.
  Take these two weeks to reflect on all the additional time you have.  Maybe visit an optometrist to see how much better your vision is now that you’re not being constantly inundated with bullshit ads and updates from people you’re not actually friends with.
  
  Here are a few things you can do with your extra time:
  
  
  • Take a walk.
  • Meet a lady/gentleman.
  • Marry them and have a family.
  • Attend a local sports match and root for the home team (Optional: Root for the away team).
  • Sleep in.
  • Visit 4 of your actual friends, instead of reading about your 400 Facebook friends.
• STEP 8 (Optional): Don't click either button Facebook presents you with if you accidentally log in.
  If you’re tempted to log into Facebook - don’t do it! In fact, we’ve gone ahead and done it for you.  If you crack under the pressure and log in, this is the ugly screen you’ll be faced with:
  “Deactivate Account” - Don’t do this! Your account will become deactivated rather than deleted.  This means all your info is still stored on the Facebook servers.  Remember, even though they both start with D, Deactivation is not Deletion.  If, for whatever reason, you've clicked that button, or are just curious about what it's like to live in this limbo state, see our other page, How To Deactivate Your Facebook Account.
  
  “Cancel Request” - Don’t do this either! You’ll be cancelling your request, and you’ll be back to square one.
  Just close the browser/browser tab.  It may feel like you're hurting Facebook's feelings but trust us, silently leaving is for the best.
• Questions?  Contact us at theHalesGroup@gmail.com.